Dear ......

It's not often that I put pen to paper to let others know how important they are to me, but after all of the emotional support you guys have given me.I want to admit one thing to both of you that so far, you are the two best and wonderful individual that I have come across. I think I am being emotional to be writing a mail to say you all this, but I had as both of you must be asleep now and I had this sudden flash flood of emotions, so i couldn't resist but to write a mail to you both and I also thought it was only right to tell you both how much you two mean to me.

There are times when I really have to pinch myself and ask, “Is this really my life? How the heck did I get here, to this place, with these people… how the heck did I get so lucky?” I have spent with you guys in little over the past 8 months, the best time of life, and both of you were there for me even in the worst of time. Amongst all the good moments, this past Thursday was definitely one of those times. No matter how grupmy I am and how much I sulk (yeh I do sulk a lot !! sorry but I had to admit), I was/am and will be contented from within (......, you have your answer for my smirk).

Whether be it being with me, making me feel good about most things and make me feel strong or giving princely practical advise in order to brave the stupid politics or even the most silliest things in life, both of You have always been such wonderful protective and supportive person to me... you two have been with me and been there for me ever since I met you. You were there for me when I was in love, in pain, in confusion. You've had more faith in me than I have ever had in myself... and I am endlessly grateful for that. You've provided me with an anchor of support, if not always sanity. With you two, I feel that there are emotional things that will not change, even if our three separate lives do change on their own. I feel like there is something real and permanent about my endearment for both of you. It is like the sky when the mountains may crumble. It is like a background in front of which I will assume the various characters and personalities that this world directs me to.

There is nothing in this world that I would not do for you two. I trust you with everything I have, and everything I am. I believe that you know this... and that you have known this for a long time. I might imagine that we are a kind of soul-sibling... and that we've been together for multiple lives. I can create elaborate theories and stories about our past lives together... ... or some other silly nonsense. Mutual and equal trust... as if we were employed to do the same task, and to do it together. In a world of lies and deception, you two were the only one I trusted.I count myself among the luckiest souls in the universe for meeting you.

Thank you for being here for me.

Its alright if you let me fade to nothing but in my memory both of you would be etched and I would go with it I will go to my grave.

Be Safe, Be Healthy, Be happy

Confusion to our enemy

Pissed Off Letter To Self

Hey you

Read this on and dont regard this as a poison pen letter. go on and read it ... may be i thought you and me should better start communicating before you alienate your self from me. I am damn sure you are going to do it. now you dont listen to me and even care for me. you have stopped doing what you were doing a month back! C'mmon dude do what ever makes you happy. if its red label then go ahead, if its tandoori chicken then go ahead..you know what makes you happy. do whatever you want. dont take seriously what your ma about your driving or whatever ever the silly kid remarks . I would much rather have regrets about you doing what ppl say and want, than regretting not doing what my heart says and wondering what life had been like if you'd just been me.you know not whether I am your friend or your foe, but you should count it to be your honour to have me for either. for, a noble friend is the best gift and a noble enemy the next best?

Further. i know you were contemplating to something on and Listen do not even think of "the mauled kitty and dogs and bitches". breathe in and breather out and read on what i have for you.

I am borrowing something for you and only you from srk and others gr8 beings so that, that cheers you up. I dont why are you pissed off. is it because of me. i know your reply would be "Hell ya ! I am pissed " and i should not even try to tell you how to be .. isnt it ... but then i thought i should take the liberty of telling you because you and me are the same isnt ??? or you regard me else ?

you and me know it that you love to loved and hate to be hated and if ever there is tomorrow when we're not together.. there is something you must always remember. you are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think. but the most important thing is, even if we're apart.. i'll always be with you. Further some love one, some love two, some are confused about who to love but i love you. And you don't need to be the way you are about others, when someone loves/likes you are with you then the way they say your name is different, may be akash/aakash/aakhash or whatever..you know that your name is safe in their mouth. And then I flatter you and you wont believe me. I Criticize you,you wont like me . But if you love me, I would be forced to love you. So dont hate me.Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, and fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? Your playing small doesn't serve the world. There's nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are meant to shine. We are born to make manifest the glory that is within us. It's not just in us, it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.And all these years of dealing with the back stabber have told me one and one thing that the come into play when your back is turned and not other wise. So you see its them who don't have the balls ! And Coming to women, they are crazy creatures you and I know when they cry and when they are happy and the rest we dont know ;)

SO I have given enough of reasons explanation etc, so now cheer up and smile.. dont frown or dont put up those silly pirate and siren's posters in and around you. go go go!

The Gift from God and the Perceptive Girl

Are Gift from God and the Perceptive Girl the same ? The question has been lurking in my mind ever since I met her, the perceptive girl. And in this moment when I see her watery eyes dance, I see my angel for the first time, I know my purpose, feel my birth at first faintly, then distinctly. I could feel her love for me and my love for her, the sweet strains of our union and how our love heated up the cold universe. This gives my desperate hope a reason and season to be revealed. It was conglomeration of more than one feeling.Her love was my ultimate destination.

In the Dark times on her insistence that I not only took command of her cursed kingdom's accursed army which had been badly depleted but also rallied and regrouped the remainder forces which were scattered to make final assault on the haven. This army was once believed to have aided GOD in his war. The speech of mine instilled hopes in them and left their hearts filled with spirits and full vigor, both grey heads and young alike. The day for assault was chosen and the assault was made. The war was decisive victory for us, as the strategy used by me had clipped the flanks of the enemy, thus leaving the enemy at the mercy of my cavalry and the archers.

Soon after the war was over, the Perceptive Girl declared herself the Queen and dispatched her domesticated knights after me and declared a reward on my head. The treachery on her part was now known and what seemed to me as love was nothing but infatuation. These are no accusations of a lover, but the truth of how she used me and my infatuation for her and left me alone without a word of cheer, when i needed the hand grasp. She is actually the one, whom I thought to be so close but was indeed so far. During my sojourn I had mis believed her to be the Gift from God. She proved that true love and Gift from God are nothing more than fantasy.

I wanted to engage the reality but did not wanted to do so as I have to recover, from this episode. I just wanted to forget her treacherous speech and wanted to burn myself, leaving no trace of myself in the altar of my love towards her. I had always believed that the submerged truth always comes out of dreams.

I continue with my journey in the search of GOD into the desert of no sun with the drink of Gods and the domesticated Knights on my trail.On my way the mellifluous flow of wind seemed to be the GOD's autograph and croon that the nature was singing to me which meant that bizzare incidents during the journey of life bereft from love happens. The way out is to continue searching for the destination with patience which would definitely bring solace to heart and placidity to mind.

*Concluding part. 

The Marble Castle and the Perceptive Girl

It’s the dead of the night and I enter a momentary lapse of reason, when my earthly senses stop functioning, the reality and fantasy are indistinguishable and I am no more than a bystander by the highway of time. The idea of time no more existed for me. I delved into the hidden aspects of the past and then went to the probable future with only Gift from God in my mind and GOD slowly fading away. Beside this highway, while looking at the magnificent display of stars high in the night time sky filled with clouds, I felt that truly how insignificant I am. This very moment made me feel that GOD was beside me!!! And then I looked up to see the Gift from God smiling while playing hide and seek with the clouds just like the Sun in the desert of no Sun. There was she inspiring me and questioning me who I am? There is confusion, mayhem and chaos. In the midst of this confusion, I ponder whether I'm in love, grief or pain. How do I ascertain my feeling? The whole day like a reel plays back in my pea sized brain of mine embedded deep in the abyss of my cranium.

The day was not the day. It all started with the knock on the door which woke me up, broke the bridge between despair & hope and separated me from the Gift from God. With her in the my sub-conscious psyche and realizing the time, I ran for the marble castle but was still falling into the bottomless vale below the bridge after it was knocked down and in this haste, I heard a voice calling my name. For once, I thought that the voice was of Gift from God who had emerged out of my psyche. Alas! it was not her but the perceptive girl, whom I had met during the last rally of garrison of the castle, in the dark hours. While running I had the feel of being watched. Was it the GOD? No, it was the Knight on the top of marble castle, who’s sharp piercing looks could see through the blood and flesh of us mortals. I imagined the uniformed guards of the castle looking at the grey and hostile world outside, from their keeps.

The perceptive girl now in red cloak came into the castle, guarded by her red standard bearers and took her seat beside me and gave me a smile. Her pacifying and rich velvety voice brought me back into the harsh reality but with her beside me, I was comforted from the innards of my sentiments. She was an interesting specimen herself. In a perfect world away from the dark hours she would have been inexplicably beautiful and gorgeous with a mane of black hair, burning gray eyes and beautiful aquiline nose. Those eyes had kindled the flame of hope in me for long time. Her close-together eyes had a look of … . I had felt the same about her ever since we met, which was once and for all. She was trying to ask me a question but was not able to gather the courage to ask me. This question had been her only pertinent question ever since we met, which I had been unable to explain. After the meeting at the castle, she met me again. This time she called me and dismissed her red standard bearers.

She wanted me to answer the long raised question. The question was how I found the castle in the green plains, in the dark times and how a desert traveler made out of the desert of no Sun. I hesitated and was about to leave, when she slumped against me and sank slowly to a huddled, sitting position. With arms on her knees, she buried her head in her arms, and sobbed. Her face in the picture of my mind was smiling and so, so pretty.”Never had a chance”, she murmured. Around her and me were the seeming travelers of the highway of time moved oblivious. Then she rubbed her face on my shoulders which shocked me but this shock was more of joy and recognition. This nudge broke the threshold barrier that kept me not speaking to her. For me the nudge was simply not a nudge, but was a metaphysical portal which brought in the spectrum of thoughts which made me feel that she and the Gift from God are the same. Is it? The answer was in my inner thought but I was still unconvinced about … . She desperately needed the answer as she had felt the Gift from God in … and believed that I had the answer … .

The question for me was indecipherable one as I had come in touch with GOD and the Gift from God during the moment of despair in the desert of no Sun and I myself have never been able to understand whether that travel was in reality or dream and how was I here. The very feel of her made me realize the presence of GOD. Was she a manifestation of GOD? Is Gift from God also manifestation of GOD? Is she and the Gift from related? The answer …………………….

I, God and the Gift from God

Whenever there is a hush and my mind drifts away from the day and age, I, think of the times of desperation, depression, desolation and gloom, when the past creeps up on the present and whispers something quite dark, unspeakable of the future into my ears, who is now pirouetting between tears and bawl. I was then a thirsty traveler in the desert of despair, grief and hopelessness, wandering alone and thinking of what has become of me, Why, How and what is the way out. These questions were like mirage for me. I like the thirsty deer wander and chase that mirage as the answer to my questions. My soul longs for thee and my spirit needs refreshing. It is like getting lost in the Labyrinth of Crete, to be finally discovered by the Minotaur. I cannot end my ... or think... .

So, in this moment came in "The Two" in to my life, like Icarus. "The Two" were like the discovery of the fountain of everlasting life and the living well which never run dry by the desert traveler."The Two" were GOD and the Gift from God. Coming of both, were like the falling of small pebbles and stones before a great avalanche or a landslide which changed my life.

GOD was my enchanted sun in the deserts of no Sun. He was the one who in the hour of dark flooded the dark sky with luminescence and taught me how to live, think, react, perceive and encounter the host of eccentrics in this real world.

Gift from God was an extraordinary female gifted with astonishing beauty and magical songs. She in the dusk peeked mysteriously from behind the dark cloud and then a luminous debut ... . She was like the harvest moon which makes one hum the magical melody. She made me realize who I am and instilled the hope to ... and to struggle with secret losses. She told me the gyan of the thin line of distinction between friendship, crush and love with tenderness and gave me the eloquent insights into the nature of love. She taught me how to navigate the ever-changing landscape of life and love.

This is my tale of exquisite friendships and I'm indeed blessed by the almighty...